Today is Valentine’s Day; and I, like many, take this day to reflect on love. As a single girl, this year I do not have an object to direct my affection; so instead I will reflect on loving thyself.
I’d like to tell you a story…
I used to be incredibly cruel to myself; when I was younger, I hated the reflection staring back at me. I blamed the chubby girl in the mirror for everything; I called her fat, stupid, ugly, worthless- anything an enemy could imagine saying to me, I had already said to myself.
I grew up thinking I didn’t deserve success, love, or the body I wanted; as a result, I sabotaged myself in many of my youthful endeavors. Convinced that love and happiness were joys reserved for others. I managed to hide these demons inside with a humorists approach to life; I’d laugh and crack jokes, hoping that while others laughed they wouldn’t be able to see my sadness. I managed to fool everyone; but it became increasingly hard for me to run from my own truth. I lived like this for years; and although I lost weight and began to date in my post secondary days, I still felt worthless. The reflection in the mirror had changed but what I saw remained the same.
2010 was the year that something dramatic changed. I decided that I really wanted to like Bianca. I wanted her to be happy; I wanted to be able to look into the mirror and love the reflection staring back at me, regardless of waist size or mood. This also happened to coincide with the realization that I wanted to use my skills to empower myself, and others- my skill was what I could do with food!
I’d lived for years with a love/hate relationship with food; although I loved it, I felt like it hated me. I blamed food for making me fat, and unlovable. When I decided to quit catering, and focus on what food meant to me and how I wanted to use my skills to improve my life, I immediately felt empowered. Over the last two years, I have helped others transform their lives and in the process completely changed my own.
I had an AHA moment recently, I was looking the mirror, naked, and for the first time in almost EVER I liked what I saw; I didn’t feel gross, hatred for the reflection or the desire to change anything- I genuinely liked the girl in the mirror. I get weepy thinking about it, because I had never felt that way before. I will never forget that moment.
For a very long time, I had never realized the importance of self love; but from the moment I decided to take charge of the love I had for myself, my career took off and my relationships improved, because I genuinely believe that I deserve love, success and happiness. This isn’t to say that I don’t have days where I feel like crap- I do; I’m not perfect and I will never profess to be. However, being imperfect and having flaws doesn’t, for one second, mean that I am undeserving of love.
Love- SELF LOVE, changed everything!
So this Valentine’s Day, the object of my affection is me. I ask every woman to take today, the day of love, to reaffirm the love she has for herself. Say it LOUD and be proud; shout it from the highest rooftop “I LOVE ME!”
I wish to you, my lovely readers and friends, a happy and love filled Valentine’s Day.